2. A Christmas Story - Christmas Is Awful
You know what the only thing worse than not getting what you want for Christmas is? Getting what you want and then getting injured with it. And hearing your parents argue. And wearing humiliating costumes. And burning Christmas dinner. And being dragged to a Chinese food restaurant and watching a duck get decapitated in front of your screaming mother. Okay, so I'm clearly not a fan of A Christmas Story. Maybe it's just before my time (though I watched it plenty while I was growing up). Maybe it's because I look to movies as escapist fantasy fulfillment, not to be an accurate representation of family dysfunction. Whatever the reason, my heart or my shoes, I find it difficult to walk away from this movie without feeling like the moral is that Christmas is just not a good time of the year. Even the mall Santa in this movie feels unsavory. I can certainly appreciate the overly-stylized representation of what he must look like to the eyes of a frightened child. Like a creepy clown, he seems exaggerated and rests just perfectly in the Uncanny Valley between man and monster. It's entertaining and even a little artistic. I can appreciate what the filmmakers were trying to represent there. You know, until Santa kicks the kid in the face to push him down the slide. Merry Christmas!