The commander of the Death Star in the original Star Wars film (someones going to call it Episode IV: A New Hope, but that someone is nowhere near this article), Tarkin is cold-blooded and ruthless, career military with a cruel streak. When he threatens the destruction of Alderaan unless rebel leader Leia Organa offers up the Alliance bases secret location, he goes ahead and orders the destruction of the planet anyway, even after she capitulates and gives him a name, ordering her death in his next breath. Not a man youd take home to mother, unless you wanted your mother sold to slavers and your house burned down but for all that ice in his veins, Tarkin had a penchant for showing off. Having tracked the Millennium Falcon to the rebels base on one of the gas giant Yavins moons, the Death Star materialises from hyperspace on the other side of the massive planet, and is apparently forced to wait for the moon to come into view in the course of its orbit in order to take the same shot that took out Alderaan, and solve the Empires little rebel problem once and for all. Many hours of internet time have been wasted on trying to give Tarkin a credible reason for just sitting there and waiting, but none of the excuses hold water. Hes flying an artificial planetoid with a planet-killing superlaser on board why doesnt he just vapourise Yavin itself and take out the moon by proxy? Why doesnt he have the Death Stars pilots shift it into position a little faster does the thing only have one gear? Why couldnt they come out of hyperspace in the right place? As it is, the rebels get enough time to launch a counter-attack, armed with a map of the Death Stars superstructure that gives them its weak spot. Tarkins showboating loses the Empire their greatest weapon and gives the Alliance a significant propaganda victory... and results in the snuffing of himself and the 1.7 million Imperial personnel on board, giving rise to the expression Moffing it up: meaning to utterly fail in your objective through a blindly arrogant expectation of success.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
