A movie about a Civil War veteran finding himself transported to Mars and caught up in an alien rebellion whilst inheriting the powers of a superhero should not have been boring. Especially so, in fact, under the supervision of Pixar alumni Andrew Stanton, who brought the world WALL-E. And yet, for all its attempts, John Carter stands as the cinematic equivalent of falling asleep on the bus home after a really long day. The concept alone should have guaranteed - at least - a bad movie with cool action scenes and some meme-worthy lines we could have all laughed at around the water-cooler, and yet John Carter - the huge box office bomb that it was - manages to leave nothing stirring in your memory banks. Bland characters, bland performances, bland everything: not only was ol' John Carter a total bore, but embarrassingly so.
Sam Hill is an ardent cinephile and has been writing about film professionally since 2008. He harbours a particular fondness for western and sci-fi movies.
