10 Commandments All Movies Should Obey

4. Got Some Found Footage? Remember What It Is

chronicle Yep, this is such a "thing" now, it deserves its own commandment. I remember watching "Buried" and thinking "There's no WAY they'll stick to this the whole time." But they do. It's a whole movie of Ryan Reynolds in a box. With a phone. Love it or hate it, that's what it claims to be - A man trapped in a box with a phone. If most found footage movies stuck to that as doggedly with their concept, it'd help. Waaaaay back when "The Blair Witch Project" came out, the idea was simple - This is footage shot by three kids in the woods, trying to get to the bottom of "The Blair Witch". As it was a proposed documentary gone awry, it makes sense - They shoot interviews with locals (and handily get exposition handed to us and the viewer), they document their trip into the woods (and give us some linear story and character points), when things get weird OF COURSE they film it (giving us developments and scares), and when they're afraid they won't survive, they start leaving messages out of fear. It moves along nicely but has a plausible explanation for the reason everything is "really" filmed for the most part. Flash forward to "Paranormal Activity". This film requires a family to have a serious technology fetish and intruder phobia to get cameras EVERYWHERE. Especially to fill in plot points. It's barely plausible the first movie (Which, in fairness, at least moves along enough to keep you distracted.) Even by the first sequel, we have people filming conversations that NO ONE would document with angles that scream "filmmaking!" rather than "Here's that time we had those two over and we talked family history in the pool." Because yeah. That happens.
Dispensing with the sarcasm, nothing about that scene is remotely natural. And it just gets more contrived with the sequels. It's not fair to pick on just "Paranormal Activity", I enjoyed "Cloverfield" - but the dogged insistence on dragging that camera everywhere beggars belief. Charmingly, at one point a character is even questioned about it midway through the film - His response, which involves his being able to cope by perceiving at a distance through the lens, is passable....until he's munched on by the monster and the camera is retrieved by other characters so the movie can be filmed ending. (I'd've let it go if the film had just ended with the camera and body falling to the ground, and the credits rolling.) This keeps going. It's hard to think of a found footage film that doesn't test its audience's suspension of belief..... or blows it. "The Last Exorcism" incorporates quick edits....when this footage should never have reached anyone who'd've done so. "Chronicle" establishes a weak reason for the filming in the first place (A character just DOES it) introduces a great reason (documenting psychokinetic powers he and his friends develop) and then introduces increasingly awkward occasions that barely justify the camera being there.
Even this past year, the great indie "V/H/S" is ALL found footage. As it's an anthology. reasons range from good (a filmed 2nd honeymoon trip) to odd (A character is a nannycam for Halloween) to improbable (A character...just has one. This segment, "Tuesday the 17th", almost seems to disregard the found footage concept and just runs as an indie horror...until they remember they need someone holding the camera for its concept!) The point is, all these films try to have their found footage cake but eat it Hollywood film style too. And I LIKED some of the aforementioned films. It's just they want the "realism" of found footage.....but have a hard time seeing it through to the end without cheating to fill in character or plot blanks. This really just compromises the audience, as then it's up to them whether they keep up their suspension of disbelief. Which usually goes hand in hand with whether they like the film or not..... Really, it's this simple. Making a found footage film? Make a found footage film. That is all.
 
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In a parallel universe where game shows' final jackpots and consequent fortunes depend on knowledge of obscure music trivia and Jon Pertwee/Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes, I've probably gone rich, insane, and am now a powermad despot. But happily we're not there, so I'm actually rather pleasant. Really.