I considered calling this the "Madonna Rule", because she's had it happen FOUR TIMES. ("Shanghai Surprise", "Who's That Girl", "Body of Evidence", and lastly "Swept Away") Four occasions films were made with the priority firstly being "Get Madonna in front of the camera", with all other priorities - including such minor trifles as script, direction, and the ability of the lead to act - trailing behind. And in Madonna's case it's funny - she's been taught in practice that when someone else runs the show and she isn't first priority (As in, say, "A League of Their Own" or "Four Rooms") the result can work in her favour. But even as late as 2002, she STILL tried a vanity project with "Swept Away". And that pretty much put the brakes on her acting, other than occasional burps like "Die Another Day". Vanity projects centered around one individual often end up the domain of Non-Acting types, and they usually end up being the most offensive. Prince got a pass with "Purple Rain", but then assaulted us with "Under The Cherry Moon" (A film that makes you miss Morris Day) and "Graffitti Bridge" (A film that makes you reconsider). Prince and Madonna had egos fueling their aspirations, but sometimes it's out of the vanity subjects' hands. If you remember "From Justin 2 Kelly", congratulations! You probably just made Kelly Clarkson's brain hurt. Comedians are responsible too. Eddie Murphy's early films are a notable exception to a rule that includes Andrew Dice Clay, Will Ferrell (who used to be smart enough to surround himself with an ensemble just as capable), and any Adam Sandler film that's supposed to be funny. Do any auxillary characters in a Sandler film matter? No, they're there for the Zohan - Jack/Jill - whoever to sound off against in whatever suck-vehicle he's rigged up. The bottom line is that these films usually aren't about even being good movies - They're about showing off ONE person, at the expense of the cast, film, and you. It doesn't have to be this way; the early part of Eddie Murphy's career is filled with movies that make no bones about who has top billing but STILL let the ensemble and script shine. Let's have some of that instead, thank you. Unless you're Madonna. We've had quite enough, thanks.
In a parallel universe where game shows' final jackpots and consequent fortunes depend on knowledge of obscure music trivia and Jon Pertwee/Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes, I've probably gone rich, insane, and am now a powermad despot. But happily we're not there, so I'm actually rather pleasant. Really.
