8. Candy Hates Money...For Some Reason In Django Unchained
The greatest White Liberal Guilt movie since James Cameron's Avatar, Quentin Taratino's surprisingly (and needlessly) epic Western sees Christoph Waltz's bounty hunter Dr Schultz freeing Jamie Foxx's badass slave Django for reasons, then training him up in the way of the cowboy so they can go bust Django's wife out of her own horrible life on Candyland, a cotton picking ranch owned by Leonardo de Caprio and his infeasibly long cigarettes. After farting about shooting snowmen for about an hour, the pair decide to get down to brass tacks, planning to use all their bounties to buy Broomhilda's freedom. Except Schultz decides di Caprios' Candy won't want to sell Broomhilda to some random dude because, well, slave owners are infamously unreasonable. What with the slave thing and all. So they decided to buy one of Schultz's bare-knuckle wrestlers instead, hoping they'll throw in Django's wife for free. Wait, what? Why? Why would they do that? Why do they think Candy would be okay with them buying one random fighter instead of one random slave? Apparently Broomhilda is a pretty troublesome employee anyway, so he'd probably be glad to see the back of her. Candy is a monster, but he's still a monster who likes money. He would've taken it. No need for everyone to get shot up and exploded, but perhaps that would've spoilt the third act.
Tom Baker
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Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
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