1. Michael Bay - Soft Core Pornography
I bet you were thinking I was going to say that he only directs explosions, yeah? Well, that's true, but the explosions are a sleight of hand trick. He only includes them to distract the viewer from his real genre, soft core porn. He is the most despicable and objectifying director in Hollywood and his misogynistic depiction of women in his films is absolutely disgusting. He spends two and a half hours visually comparing women to cars and then gets a lot of money for doing it. "But, Kevin," you say, "what's wrong with comparing a beautiful woman to a beautiful car?" Because all you do with a car is ogle it, ride it hard and speak about it to your friends in sexually transparent terms. You don't form a loving bond with your car and if you do, you belong on that show where people are in love with inanimate objects. The women in his films are vapid creatures who offer no importance to the plot and have little effect on the outcome. They spew a few lines because Bay thinks it's adorable when they try and then stand in an alluring pose while the camera revolves about them, accenting all the gratuitous sweat and the hormone enraging curves. Even in Pain & Gain (which isn't an action film, but you better believe Bay directed it like one!) the stripper Sorina is only present so you can watch either Mark Wahlberg of Dwayne Johnson rail hard on her before she delivers some vapid and ignorant line, because let's face it, we can't have people thinking that intelligent women actually exist. When I began this portion I had planned on concluding it by saying Bay should return to the days when he made The Rock (a very passable action film), but I've become so agitated over the past few paragraphs. The genre Bay should work in is no genre, as in, he should stop making films; not because he's a terrible director, but because he's a terrible person.