10 Fantasy Movie Announcements That Would Break The Internet

Broken InternetBefore the Internet came into play with movie marketing, buzz traveled a different way. To a certain extent, buzz generated for a film wasn't as huge of a deal as it is today, as you could wait until a couple months before a film came out before you even had to start pitching your film to the world. Now, a mere announcement that a project is taking off is news, and a teaser logo is already designed and approved for public consumption. These days you could break the Internet by making the right (or wrong) announcement. From the teaser trailer for Episode I to Daniel Craig's announcement as the new James Bond, the film industry can drive traffic like there's no tomorrow. Even this very site is living proof that the Internet is a prime aggregate of movie news. (When was the last time you read a Music article around here?) But what's next? Well, that's what we're here for today. With the might powers of the Internet, and the ability of 50/50 clairvoyance, I have conjured 10 fantastical visions that, if they were announced, would break the Internet. Riots, looting, and all of their digital equivalents...all would take place on Comment sections like the very one below you. So take heart, dear readers, the visions you are about to see could happen...AND SOON!

10. Len Wiseman To Direct 50 Shades Of Grey Trilogy

Fifty Shades of Wiseman

Announcement: "Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard, The Underworld Series) has recently been signed on to direct the literary phenomenon's long delayed adaptation. This is in addition to the earlier announcement that Ryan Gosling and Mila Kunis were in negotiation to play Christian Grey and Anatasia Steele, respectively. Universal expects Wiseman to start filming in 2015 to have the first film ready for Summer 2016." Why It Would Break The Internet: Ever since its initial craze, the 50 Shades series has been drooled over, carefully watched, and eagerly anticipated by all of its fandom. While they're a limited group, they're in enough of a quantity that it would send the Internet into a tirade if this news was announced. Even non-fans would have quite the reaction, as Wiseman has insulted pretty much every demographic with his directing career, and hardly feels like the "visionary" to transcribe such "steamy" works to the screen. Not to mention Gosling doesn't seem like the Grey type, and Kunis would probably send fans into a rage, as she'd be deemed "not Anastasia enough". Sample Comment of Snark: "Baby Goose would NEVER stoop so low! And as for Wiseman...well let's just say he's the living embodiment of mediocrity. Maybe they'll get Michael Bay for the sequel and add some explosions to the bondage."
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Mike Reyes may or may not be a Time Lord, but he's definitely the Doctor Who editor here at What Culture. In addition to his work at What Culture, Mr. Reyes writes for Cocktails and Movies, as well as his own personal blogs Mr. Controversy and The Bookish Kind. On top of that, he's also got a couple Short Stories and Novels in various states of completion, like any good writer worth their salt. He resides in New Jersey, and compiles his work from all publications on his Facebook page.