10 Films That Took Themselves Way Too Seriously

A movie about a mysterious vigilante who tangles with Russian mobsters really belongs in the 1980s, so it’s no surprise that The Equalizer, which re-teams Denzel Washington with Training Day director Antoine Fuqua, is based on the TV show that aired on CBS from 1985-9. Even though it's set in the present day, the film remains hopelessly stuck in the past.

Tired clichés are the order of the day, from slimy foreign gangsters to dirty cops, plus there’s also dialogue of the “f**k you, you mother**ker” variety and Chloe Moretz as a teenage hooker (with a heart of gold, obviously) who has Taxi Driver written all over her.

When she’s hospitalized by thugs, Denzel wipes out those responsible, which leads to a cat-and-mouse game with mobster Teddy (Marton Csokas, also a slimy foreigner in XXX and The Bourne Supremacy). You know the drill: they talk in a restaurant, Denzel gives him the “I’ve done things I’m not proud of” speech, Teddy decides to “send him a message” etc.

The script is by Richard Wenk, who also co-wrote The Expendables 2 and The Mechanic, which breeds expectations for a trashy good time, but don't get your hopes up. The Equalizer just wants to party like it’s 1989 and ignore how familiar the material is.