10 Films That Won't Change Your Life

Made in between The Fast And The Furious and The Chronicles Of Riddick (and a good deal sillier than either) XXX tried to elevate Vin Diesel to the level of James Bond, even opening three months before Die Another Day at the US box office. There are snowboarding stunts, plus a bit where Diesel shoots a villain while flying through the air and the bad guy is of course a one-dimensional clown whose motivation is that he’s nuts, but a second viewing reveals that he isn’t playing Bond at all.

Diesel is basically The Room’s Tommy Wiseau in this movie, with people amazed by his prowess and constantly telling him how awesome he is, despite his noticeable lack of charisma. Women throw themselves at him for no reason other than he’s the male lead, the main villain both fears and respects him and whenever Diesel appears, henchmen cower and turn white with fright.

The plot involves a solar powered submarine that’s supposed to deploy a nerve agent called Silent Night for some reason or other (somebody angered the villain and he’s still upset or something), but it’s established that the gas becomes inert when combined with water, so all Diesel has to do is stage an underwater explosion. Which he does, then everyone proclaims him a genius and the credits roll.