10 Most Hilarious Mark Kermode Rants

3. Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZMfe4qnoKU This is the one review that gets mentioned more than any other on the show. To watch it is to behold the wonders of Wittertainment in its full, unadulterated glory. One listener's email - read out by Simon Mayo at the start - predicts it right, 'put away your eye patches, give up your rum bottles, turn your radios up to eleven. It's going to be an absolute screamer.' 'One has to go into these things with an open mind' begins Mark, before performing unforgiving impressions of David Bowie, Keira Knightley, and Keith Richards. The highlight of the review centres on the relationship between Keira Knightley ('a petrified forest of woodenness') and 'Orloondo Bland' ('positively teak-y...dribblesome bore'). Watching the two together in a passionate moment is compared to viewing 'two chairs mating.' Roger Ebert would have been proud of that one. This frantic review was filmed while Mark was in Cannes and is therefore cut together with amusing shots of Simon Mayo with his head in his hands, reading the newspaper and even wandering off mid-review, all whilst the ranting continues unabashed.