8. The Expendables 2
I loved the first Expendables film, and allow me to preface this critique by saying that I am absolutely 100% the perfect audience member for this sort of film. I enjoyed the silliness, the over-the-top action, even the politically incorrect casual sexism and graphic violence of the first film, because it so perfectly hearkened back to the 1980s like so many films try to do but fail. Sure, it was a little self-serious, but on the whole it was a thoroughly entertaining romp. The second film, then, should have been even better, what with its even more awesome cast, including the likes of Jean-Claude Van Damme, Liam Hemsworth, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck freaking Norris! It had all the ingredients needed to make this a classic of action cinema, yet despite a few strong moments, it really just feels like warmed-up leftovers. The first problem is the lack of action; the mid-section of the film is particularly flabby, featuring an almost 40-minute segment without a proper set-piece, just some intermittent shooting and far too much talking. What's more, the main attractions aren't around for very long; Van Damme doesn't appear for act one, Chuck gets maybe five minutes of screen time, and Arnie similarly disappears for seemingly random intervals. Also, some of the dialogue is so on-the-nose even I found myself face-palming, particularly when Arnie says to Bruce Willis, "What's next, Rambo?". The action that's there is good, the performances that are there are good, but there's just not enough of either to suffice. Gear us up for number three nevertheless, though.