10 Most Underwhelming Summer Movies Of All Time

“Beginning, middle, end,” says John Turturro. “Facts. Details. Plot. Tell it.”

It’s good advice, but even after multiple viewings, yours truly was unable to find anything resembling a three act structure in Revenge Of The Fallen. The Decepticons return to earth to resurrect Megatron, leading to lots of explosions and special effects. Megatron kills Optimus Prime, leading to lots of explosions and special effects. Our heroes encounter a robot that whisks them to Egypt, leading to lots of explosions and special effects.

Eventually, the film stops and credits roll.

Whenever the effects are out grabbing a smoke, we hear a song from the tie-in soundtrack album or see an overbearing product placement. To make sure our minds don’t wander in between being pummelled with overblown action sequences and crass commercialism, there’s a constant stream of unfunny jokes, including the “urban humour” of Skids and Mudflap.

Speaking in voices somewhere between Pam Grier and Jar Jar Binks, these clods exist to deliver such unforgettable dialogue as “Boogy boogy boogy boo” and remind us that Hollywood still loves dialect humour. Or as Jar Jar would say: “Dis is nutsen. Oh gooberfish!”