10. Jason Schwartzman / Natalie Portman - Hotel Chevalier
Just, ew. If you haven't seen this Wes Anderson movie, perhaps putting this kiss into the list sounds stupid, because these two people are not unattractive at all. Who would have thought we'd be yelling at the screen for less naked Natalie and more boring dialogue? But watching a greasy, moustachioed Schwartzman and a skinny-as-hell Portman (her ribs are all over the show and she's covered in bruises) swap saliva is not sexy, and not a turn on. Nor is the awkward dialogue, the unnecessarily suspenseful build up, or the lack of spark between the characters. And the worst thing? It's the noise. It's the lip smacking, the wet planting of kisses, the slobbery spit sharing - and also the wonder about how his moustache feels in her mouth. Because it really is, like, all up in there. Their lips definitely must have been miked. HURL. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVvHBS-yTBE
I love Stephen King and music festivals; I eat my toast upside down; I daydream about getting married probably a bit too much; and I wish every day for a pet sausage dog puppy (who never materialises – sob).
