1. Jason Voorhees
I recently marathon-ed all of the Friday the 13th flicks because they were streaming on Netflix. There was a point during Part II that I actually felt for Jason. Here's this mutant demon kid, all grown up, coming out of some lake, confused and alone and pissed off. Is he going to kill some kids? Probably. Is that excusable? Sure. He's like the Cloverfield Monster; just this sad, lost child going on a rampage because he misses his mother. But then Jason became a Richard with a capital D. Why? Because he lost his focus. Jason fell in love with killing for the sake of killing, which makes us wonder what kind of kid he was to begin with, before he drowned. Was he honestly the sweet, innocent boy his crazy mom paints him out to be? Or was he one of those kids who murdered cats and cut open squirrels and poked their insides with sticks? Is his murdering hundreds of people the result of anger and vengeance, or was he always a little tool? Honestly I think he was always like this, which makes some of us glad he drowned. Little turd probably deserved it; cutting the heads off birds and drinking raccoon blood and whatever. There was a part when I was as deep in the franchise as VII where Jason was chasing down that telekinetic girl's mom and I thought to myself, "He'd better not kill her. This is an innocent lady who doesn't deserve to die. Just some girls mom, trying to help her daughter through a very difficult time in life." In fact, this woman had once been beaten by her husband, causing her daughter to use her telekinesis to kill her own father. This woman was a single mother and a former abuse victim and what did Jason do? He killed her. What a Richard, man. How rude. Then I realized that nothing about Jason could be accepted as warranted behavior because he was just being a bastard. Literally. Dad bailed on him. And then I wondered if maybe all he wanted was some action, maybe that would make him okay. He kept killing all these horny teenagers, it seemed like he was jealous. Who would date someone like him? I thought maybe if some brave girl would take one for the team and bang Jason then his reign of terror would end. But, 'twas a fool's dream, as I recall my hypothesis of Jason's childhood which, after being reviewed by the science board, was proven fact. Jason was a murdering psychopath even as a child. Therefore something was missing in his life long before he drowned. And what was it? Remember my claim, now fact, that Pamela had him out of wedlock? Well, how does a bitter, young mother treat her mutant son whom she resents because he forced her into motherhood too early and took away all her sexy time opportunities? Correct, she neglects him. Pamela Voorhees NEGLECTED her infant child instead of doing the one, most vital thing all mothers should do constantly if only to ensure that their boy doesn't grow up to be a murdering psychopath. She never hugged Jason. To think, all of that murder, mayhem, and terror could have been spared with a single hug. But no. Let this be a lesson to all'a'ye. If you don't hug your children, they will fall into a lake, drown, inspire you to become a murderer, then get resurrected by some unseen and unknown force only to kill off hundreds of innocent humans. That will seriously happen if you don't hug your kids. Honest to God. So hug them. Right now. Did we miss anyone? What other creep-tastic, murderous, villains could have had their rampages halted with some simple human connection? Comments below kids!