1. Cyber Superman - The Matrix Trilogy
Power: Being the most powerful being in the world... in a computer.
Why it would suck: Being Superman would be great. You could fly around all day. You could stop bullets. You could shoot lasers out of your eyes. Yes, being Superman would be awesome. Being Superman in a video game, suffice to say, would not. Thus, for all the ruckus that was made in the Matrix films about how powerful Neo was and everything he could do, all of that stuff wasn't real. He wasn't really invincible. He couldn't really fly. In fact, his whole purpose though all three films was to put an end to the Matrix. You remember the Matrix, right? The very system that allowed Neo to have those powers in the first place? Yeah, he spends three movies trying to tear it down so he can be a normal person in the crappy real world who can't fly or stop bullets. Because, for all his powers in the Matrix, in the real world, Neo is just a dude with a weird thing in his neck. He couldn't even do a back flip. Of course, it would be awesome to be in a simulation that real and pretend you have all these great powers. I imagine it would be the best selling video game of all time. But somebody in the real world could still come upon you while you were plugged in and kill you. You wouldn't really be invincible. You wouldn't really be able to fly. You wouldn't really be able to stop bullets. In the last film, Neo couldn't even prevent his own blindness or save his girlfriend from what amounts to a plane crash. You think the real Superman would let Lois go out in a plane crash? No, he would save her because he would really be invincible and really be able to fly. Some might say, "But, Neo had powers in the real world! He plugged in without a plug and stopped those sentinels!" Let's examine those instances for a second. The part of the Matrix he plugged into remotely was essentially a Looney Tunes cartoon in which he ran through an endless tunnel. As far as the sentinels go, he stopped them once and then passed out and never did it again. So, essentially, his real world powers amounted to bouncing around a map while playing Halo; they were glitches. But hey, we should add context here. Neo's powers were still great because he could dominate in the Matrix and rule the day there, right? At least he made a difference there, right? Um, no, not really. In the first movie, the entire story built up to the killing (deprogramming) of one agent (program). It was a big deal. As a matter of fact, it was such a big deal that that same agent waited ten whole minutes into the second film before he came back, even more powerful than he was the first time. Way to go there, Neo. Then, said agent learned how to replicate himself and Neo's amazing Matrix powers were only able to keep him at bay. Finally, ole Neo goes after that same agent in a one-on-one fight and triumphantly... loses. So, not only is Cyber Superman an anemic, walking electrical outlet in the real world, he's not even the most powerful being in the fake one. All evidence displays that Neo's powers were not only completely phony, they weren't even all that effective. The lesson here is that if you can't figure out a way to be Superman in the real world, being Superman in the fake one doesn't amount to much. Any powers I missed? Let me know in the comment section!