10 Movies That Were Never Meant To Be Good

Common sense dictates that if you’re going to remake a classic, don’t give it to the director of Hellraiser: Inferno. Also, don’t cast John Cleese as a boffin, Jaden Smith as Jennifer Connelly’s stepson or Keanu Reeves as an alien named Klaatu. That’s just asking for trouble.

In the 1951 original, Klaatu was a surrogate Christ, adopting the name “Carpenter” before being killed and eventually resurrected. The idea of Keanu playing Christ is good only for a few chuckles but the filmmakers seem to have retained it, hence the sequence where Klaatu appears to be walking on water.

It’s a shame that they didn’t retain the story: gone is the sequence where Klaatu neutralizes the electricity supply across the globe, causing the Earth to (you guessed it) stand still. It’s been replaced by some hogwash about how he must destroy mankind in order to save the planet, but then Connolly convinces him that people aren’t so bad and he reconsiders etc.

Think about that: somebody actually released a movie called The Day The Earth Stood Still where the Earth does not, like, stand still.

Who says Hollywood is a cultural wasteland?