10 Movies Today's Teens 'Need' Less Than Love, Simon

The real movie teens have been waiting for is that big-budget reboot of the classically schlocky TV show about lifeguards that was made before they were born, right?

Even the likability of actors like The Rock or Zac Efron couldn't save this trainwreck from being anything more than crass and idiotic. Its sense of humor essentially boils down to the fact that all women have boobs and all guys have penises. And that's pretty much it.

Every female in the film is sexualized to the nth degree and reduced to nothing more than just masturbatory fodder stand-ins. Some of the stand-out jokes involve a black man being a black man and Zac Efron being unable to look Alexandra Daddario in the eyes when they talk because she has boobs.

There was never a time a film like this would have succeeded, as it skates by on the barest of minimums without ever stopping to consider anything about itself or the audience it is enticing. It manages to devalue everyone involved and any film that does such a thing to our national treasure, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, doesn't deserve attention from today's teens or anyone else for that matter.