1. It Will Bring About the End of the World
You think I'm joking? This is no joke. Making a Fifty Shades of Grey movie will honestly bring about the end of the world: it was foretold in Mayan prophecies that you probably haven't heard of but will when the movie goes into pre-production. Seriously. His name is Beelzebub and he is the son of the Devil and his arrival signals the end of times, the return of the Christ, the upsetting of the Buddha, the angering of Muhammad, and the wrath of God. You just wait and see. And it's not going to be some silly, 1970's Gregory Peck shock and awe syndrome as in The Omen. This is serious. Towers will crumble and glorious structures will fall because we'll have realized we traded our dignity for a cheap thrill. She is a dangerous dame, this Fifty Shades of Grey. And she's a helluva ride when you're with her, but she leaves a sour taste in your mouth. She spreads disease faster than a biblical plague, releases locusts on the crops of creativity and mines the caverns of talent until the very thought of "art" becomes sacrilegious. Did you ever see Equilibrium with Christian Bale, where the people are given a drug to stop all emotions so no one can feel anything because it creates "harmony"? That's the end game here people. Our dignity and honour will be stripped from us against our will and we'll be forced to swallow the pill that disconnects our ability to feel because we'll have been so abused by being forced to consume sub-par, unoriginal, trite, cliche garbage that there will be nothing left to feel and feeling nothing is better than the unending agony of fighting this beast. The thing to be taken away from this? The Devil wins. Why else is the Fifty Shades flick a bad idea? In all seriousness (or not) we want to hear your thoughts. Comments below kids!