7. Only God Forgives
Chances are, you haven't seen Nicholas Winding Refn's follow-up to the exceptional Drive, but since it has screened in Cannes, and deserves mention for its awfulness in any such list, it makes the cut here.
Why So Ridiculous? There are two fairly likely scenarios here: either the future of film criticism will have turned into a tight ball of pretention and will laud Terence Malick and Only God Forgives as the perfect examples of cinema, or they will have come to their senses and view some of the responses to this movie to be the ridiculous fawning that it is. If you have to fundamentally reinvent the principles of cinema, and entertainment in order to enjoy a film, there's probably something wrong with it, and you really have to question anyone who goes into a film that is nigh-impossible to enjoy, and consciously choose to praise it for not being enjoyable or entertaining. There is certainly a place for pretentious, motivated film-making, but Refn sold us all a movie that was a lot closer to Drive than this self-indulgent snail-pace romp through a million lingering, almost pornographic shots of Ryan Gosling looking pensive, and he should not be applauded for the deception. In future, hopefully, all of the critics who fell over themselves to love this film, because it is uncinematic (not in terms of its visuals, which are beautiful, but in terms of its adherence to the principles of entertaining cinema) will be viewed with suspicion, as a monkey would who chooses to love a rotten piece of fruit over a juicy ripe one.