And finally, the granddaddy of bad Stephen King adaptations. A movie so bad, they had to stick a Matrix short film ahead of it to drag people out to the theater to see it. It's a shame, really. The performances are good for the most part and there are a couple of really awesome jump scares, but the film goes on forever and is relentlessly confusing. And not even just the story. One minute, you're getting an allegory for the physical pain King endured when hit by a car in 1999. The next, you're watching a little alien worm shoot out of some guy's butt. Thomas Jane, Damian Lewis, Timothy Olyphant, and Jason Lee (four sincerely admirable actors) play best friends who are endowed psychic powers by their mentally handicapped friend who warns them of an impending alien invasion. It defecates on the line of good taste without even realizing it, honestly. Simultaneously, the town in which they're vacationing is being plagued by said aliens, who the nefarious Morgan Freeman will stop at nothing to eradicate, even if that means eliminating the affected persons, as well. It's cartoonish villainy at its best. There really is no saving this story. It's even more hopeless than The Tommyknockers. The tone is all over the place and the central plot relies on cheap gross-out tactics to go anywhere. So why not just go for broke with the remake? Give it to Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen, then have Rogen lead the cast of Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, and Danny McBride. With a plot this ridiculous, you need the right people in there, and honestly, and is there really anyone better? So there you have it. Are any of these actually viable options or, as we suggested earlier, is it best indeed to just let sleeping dogs lie? Let us know in the comments section below.
