10 Things Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets Gets Hopelessly Wrong

9. Everyone Sucks At Their Job

Valerian Dane Dehaan
EuropaCorp

Considering the quality of staff the human leadership has, it's a wonder some more competent aliens haven't kicked them out and started running things properly.

After female lead Loreline is inevitably arrested for being too much of a loose cannon, she is put into the care of a pair of faceless goons who aren't even senior enough to have any lines, in the full knowledge she's a martial arts badass who can easily kick both their asses. She duly does exactly that and escapes.

Loreline wanders around Alpha unmolested after that in spite of the fact the authorities have some kind of DNA scanner which can find her fellow agent Valerian just fine. It's probably just as well, though, because all they'd have to send after her would be the clueless interns that serve as the government's army, whose sole contribution is to bumble around getting shot by slow-moving military robots no one knows how to turn off.

Contributor

Ben Counter is a fantasy and science fiction writer, gaming enthusiast, wrestling fan and miniature painting guru. He was raised on Warhammer, Star Wars and 1980s cartoons that, in retrospect, were't that good. Whoever you are, he is nerdier than you.