10 Things Wrong With Jupiter Ascending

6. The Love Story Sucks

Jupiter Ascending is a blockbuster with two attractive lead actors in Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum, so of course, it's got to have a star-crossed love story in which the two speedily fall for one another and get together by the end of the 127 minutes, right? This doesn't have to be inherently bad, of course, but here the romance is so devastatingly underwritten that the audience is given little opportunity to believe or get invested in it. They fall for each other far too quickly, and it doesn't help that, despite seeming matched for each other, the two actors don't have much sizzling sexual chemistry to speak of. It certainly doesn't do the romance any favours that the relationship is joking referred to in the film as akin to a girl and her pet dog, so how are audiences supposed to infer any sexuality from that? The movie would have been better off without the love story at all, but alas, cynical movie studios think audiences won't watch a movie without the possibility of the beautiful actors getting it on...