Tetris is a puzzle-type video game created in 1984 by Alexy Pajitnov. The premise is simple: assorted multi-shaped blocks slowly drop down the screen, and your job is to make them fit with other blocks youve already placed. If you successfully complete a solid line of blocks, it disappears, allowing you additional time and room for more blocks. If not, once the blocks stack to the top of the screengame over. Until Angry Birds took over everyones phone and tablet, Tetris was the most stupidly-addicting game of all time, hugely popular in the 90s when Nintendo included it in the bundle of its Game Boy system (for you younguns, the Game Boy eventually made your precious 3DS possible). The phenomenal success of Tetris was due to its awesomely simple game play. Theres no plot, no characters, no back story, no cheats and no beating the game; you play as long as you can before youre overwhelmed, making its appeal similar to pinball. Its perfect simplicity is why Tetris often listed among as one of the greatest video games of all time, and also why its a totally stupid idea for a movie. Sure, its a brand name people are still somewhat familiar with, but how the hell can anyone write a story or screenplay based on the premise? Its just a random series of blocks raining down from the top of the screen. Not only that, its been a couple of decades since Tetris was everyones time-waster of choice. Didnt the total failure of Battleship teach anyone that an old game without any characters makes a sh*tty movie, even in the genre of video game adaptations? WHAT COULD SAVE THIS FILM: Nothing. Its hard to imagine anyone, nor matter how talented, could piece together a story worth watching. This ranks high among the worst movie ideas of all time. Do you disagree, and are actually willing to admit you're looking forward to any of these films? Speak your piece and try to convince us otherwise.
D.M. Anderson works and lives in Portland Oregon. He is the author of two young adult novels (Killer Cows & Shaken) and a collection of dark tales (With the Wicked). He has also published several short stories which have appeared (or will appear) in various anthologies and magazines such as 69 Flavors of Paranoia, Night Terrors, Trembles, Encounters, Implosion, Strange Fucking Stories, Perpetual Motion Machine. He documents his adventures in the dark on on his movie site, Free Kittens Movie Guide
