Judging by the Oscar nominations for Get Out and The Shape Of Water, you’d think 2017 was the year of thoughtful movies loaded with social commentary, which would come as a surprise to anyone who paid to see Rings or Resident Evil: The Final Chapter.
Bad sequels come and go, but new creative teams usually either ignore the previous installment or pretend it was all a dream (see: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer) so there’s really no point in sticking around to be insulted by a movie that just wants to take your hard-earned. Unless, that is, you’re really truly convinced you’re onto a winner with Fifty Shades Freed.
One advantage of living in the Netflix era is the sheer volume of alternatives to movies you know are going to suck from their titles alone. No more trudging off to see Batman & Robin, there’s three seasons of Better Call Saul to binge watch.
Then again, sadomasochism might be your thing in which case you’ll be well served by 2018’s seemingly endless array of trashy sequels. If you end up watching any of the following, you’ve only got yourself to blame.
10. Children Of The Corn: Runaway
“Based on the short story by Stephen King!” claims the trailer, a mite disingenuously as this is the tenth entry in a franchise King admits he stopped watching in the 1990s.
The title doesn’t seem apt because according to the trailer there isn’t much running in the movie, just lots of shots of people talking in rooms punctuated by the occasional false scare or dream sequence. Then a kid picks up a sickle or a hatchet and yadda yadda yadda.
The plot involves a pregnant woman escaping the corn cult, but we’ve seen that done before in Children Of The Corn V: Fields Of Terror (1998), which at least had the distinction of starring a pre-fame Eva Mendes. In fact, previous installments featured early roles for Naomi Watts and Charlize Theron, so if you want to see the stars of tomorrow in humiliating dreck this is probably a must-see.