10 Ways To Make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Not Suck

5. Don't Forget They're Ninjas

It€™s right there in the name - Teenage Mutant NINJA Turtles. Bay and Liebesman apparently have no idea what the word ninja means, so it's probably helpful to give them a hint: ninjas aren€™t commandos, ninjas aren€™t slow-moving mechs, ninjas aren€™t giant creatures that can knock over a Hummer.

Ninjas are stealthy, quick, efficient killers. Ninjas rely on silent, close-quarters weapons. They don€™t use assault rifles. Remember the €œninja€ part of the title. The Shredder especially needs to be mobile, but the armor he€™s given in the movie is so ridiculous, it looks like it belongs in a parody of the Turtles. This Shredder can€™t handle stealth, because every step he makes causes a tremor and can be heard from miles away.

The Foot are a clan of ninja warriors, and the Turtles are also supposed to have that same training. When the Foot strike, you€™re not supposed to know they€™ve been there and the same goes for the Turtles. It€™s how they remained unseen for so many years, because they were good at slinking back into the shadows once they did their job.

But Bay and Liebesman apparently have no patience for any kind of subtlety. Everything has to be loud and bombastic, right down to redefining the word ninja as plodding giants who don€™t know the meaning of the word silence.

Contributor
Contributor

Percival Constantine is the author of several novels and short stories, including the Vanguard superhero series, and regularly writes and comments on movies, comics, and other pop culture. More information can be found at his website, PercivalConstantine.com