10 Worst Things James Bond Has Ever Done

007 molests women, kills his friends and joins the Taliban. For Queen and country.

Quantum Of Solace
MGM/Columbia Pictures

Bond, James Bond has been shaking and stirring cinemagoers for what will soon be 60 years.

Needless to say, during that time society has gone through a smoking barrel-load of changes and, by and large, the films we watch have changed with it.

But Bond has never been one to lead the charge when it comes progress, preferring to languish in the old ways, martini in one hand, cigar in the other. A stalwart dedication to his country ensures he views the world through nothing but a blue, white and red-tinted scope.

From the title sequence to the final gag - "...keeping the British end up, sir" - it is a well known fact that 007 likes to misbehave. But all too often, his actions stray outside the remit of his duties, and he finds himself with blood on his hands, or frequently much worse.

Like many of us, it seems James Bond has an infinite capacity to be casually cruel and unforgivingly ruthless; but, unlike the rest of us, his decisions hinge on more than snaffling the last slice of pizza from the box.

Please keep all hands inside Wet Nellie (yep, that is the official name of the submersible Lotus from The Spy Who Loved Me) as we wade through some of the worst things the British superspy has ever done.

10. Giving The Piranhas A Hans

You Only Live Twice (1967) - Sean Connery's 'final' Bond outing (apart from the post-Lazenby final one; and the late-period final final one) - sees 007 lay the groundwork for 50% of the Austin Powers trilogy, all the while rounding off Connery's strong five-film run with a Carry On caper. Volcano bases and Little Nellie, anyone?

This is also the film that provided perhaps the most iconic version of Spectre number one, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Donald Pleasence brings scenery-chewing menace to the facially disfigured uber-baddie in a turn that makes the misogynistic, race-baiting, ninja-trained Bond look like the straight man of this piece.

And, of course, Blofeld's lair comes armed with a man-eating, piranha-filled pool - what else?

We all know the franchise likes to leave no flesh on the bone, and soon Bond is facing off against Blofeld's head honcho, Hans, above the pool. Without a second thought, our international man of mystery flips the bodyguard into the waters below and, as the man's screams bubble away beneath the surface, declares "bon appetit", all but winking at the camera.

Granted, one has few options in a fight for your life scenario, but this is a particularly grisly way to send someone to their doom. Somehow, though, there's still much worse to come.

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Contributor
Contributor

Writer, editor and lifelong critic of test screenings, money men and films-by-committee. Let the work speak for itself, even if it has the voice of Moaning Myrtle.