1. Postal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBSJHpqgHCU There are many things I hate in this world; the fact that my cereal doesn't stay crunchy for long enough, the way EA brutalises any game series they get their hands on, the way I have to curl up into the foetal position every night due to the duvet not being long enough, and Postal. Both Postal games were terrible and the film was - hang on I need to get a thesaurus out for this - abhorrently horrendous. Even by Boll standards it was a bad film, despite positive reviews from companies such as MTV (given up on music have we?). The film is filled with obese women, terrorists, dolls and slapstick comedy that wouldn't be out of place in a comedy club in Hull. There doesn't seem to be any sort of plot that can be followed easily and the film is more Uwe Boll lashing out at everyone rather than the black comedy it's supposed to be. Although he claims the film was supposed to be a political satire, it hardly fits the genre as it quite plainly states that Osama Bin Laden and George Bush are friends, has them meeting up at a Nazi-themed amusement park and ends up destroying China and the US in a nuclear war. Now I'm no expert on political satire, with Dr. Strangelove being the only film I've seen that falls in that genre, but aren't the jokes supposed to be tongue in cheek and hard to spot at times. These sorts of films are designed so that you spot the joke out of the corner of your eye whilst the characters are standing there with an expression that's more at home in a Carry On film. Boll, however, doesn't understand this at all and smashes "joke" after "joke" at the screen as if he's shouting "Can you see the funny side yet? Can you? Can you?" in your ear as you watch. When many cinemas across the US refused to show the film, Boll remarked that distributors were boycotting it due to its political content and he was perplexed by this. You have to give it to Boll though, not many people can make a comedy film about 9/11, decide he wants to make a serious statement about the cult of heroism surrounded the attack and then stand there dumbstruck when only 21 cinemas in the US will show his "film." Sorry, what I meant to say was that not many sane people would attempt this. This is exactly what makes me despise Postal and Uwe Boll, a bad movie I can forgive and a string of bad films I can laugh off. We all make bad choices, I'll still order macho peas every time I go to Nandos, no matter how many times I vow to never order them again afterwards. Boll however sees touchy subjects such as terrorism, 9/11 and the holocaust as a stage for his supposed "brilliance" and doesn't care what sort of reception he receives. No matter what sort of reception he receives, he'll carry on producing film after film and produce excuse after excuse for why every film he touches fails. The small chance that you are reading this Mr Boll I have but two questions, if audiences were expecting Postal with bated breath why on earth did it only make $150,000 and why is it given such negative reviews by everyone? To answer your question, I wear a large boxing glove size and I'm free next weekend if you'll fly me out. Like or loathe Boll? Which of his movies do you hate the most? Let us know in the comments section below.