12 WTF Harry Potter Fan-Fictions You Won't Believe Exist
1. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A.k.a. Thirty Hs
Proving that a Harry Potter fan fiction needn’t be based around
unlikely sexual pairings to be bizarre, Thirty Hs is quite possibly one of the
weirdest stories ever created. Described by TV Tropes as if William S.
Burroughs, David Cronenberg and Thomas Pynchon got together to rewrite fellow
fan fic My Immortal, Thirty Hs reads as if penned by a teen who has
simultaneously discovered LSD and thesauruses for the first time.
It’s so nonsensical and insane that to describe its plot (if it could be called a plot) is nigh on impossible but to give you a small taster, the story opens in outer space with Dobby the house-elf murdering an astronaut with his ‘groinsaw’ (?!) and Harry subsequently killing Dobby with a guitar named ‘F*ckslayer’.
Dumbledore, sporting a leg made of pistols, makes an appearance too as does an author who we can only assume is supposed to be Ray Bradbury alongside plenty more weird sh*t before the story closes with God sporting a giant chocolate phallus.
There are no words that can adequately sum up our confusion.
Choice Quote: ‘Dobby relished his groinsaw’s roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut’s ruined skull. He turned to Harry, thrusting his bloody, retina-covered pelvis with elfin fervour.’