13 Movie Characters Who Would Be A Better President Than Jeb Bush

Calvin Candie’s story will remind you of previous Republican incumbents: he’s a lightly-educated child of privilege, a trafficker in human souls who has no problem selling those less fortunate than himself for cold hard cash. If he pays $500 for a slave, then he’d damn sure better get 5 fights out of him, otherwise the useless sumbitch is getting fed to the dogs.

Like most racists, he has a theory explaining why blacks are “inferior” – it’s all to do with the three dimples on the back of their skull. The dimples are located in the part of the brain associated with servility, so by selling coloured people as slaves, he’s just helping Mother Nature along.

Pros:

1. Skilled manipulator

2. Passionate advocate for slavery

3. Southern Gentleman

Cons:

1. Francophile (he insists you call him “Monsieur”)

2. Takes a slave for a mistress

3. “Complicated” relationship with his sister