14 Cinematic Questions We Demand To Have Answered in 2013

12. Who Will Play Christian Grey.. And Who Really Cares?

Like it or not, the Fifty Shades Of Grey movie will make a major dent in the film industry in the not too distant future - the books made a fortune, and kick-started a rise in sales of unspeakably naughty adult toys that you hope your parents don't own, despite the suspicious welts you've seen on your Dad's backside in the gym changing rooms - and there is an awful lot of money to be had in bringing Christian Grey to the screen.

The book might be written terribly, it might be horribly sexist, and the ultimate denouement of the trilogy might completely betray the first book, but a certain type of audience will lap it up. And the biggest question at the minute is who will play the smouldering sex God and billionaire entrepreneur with a penchant for spanking and humiliation? A lot of people want Ian Somerhalder, while others want Jensen Ackles. Personally I want Philip Seymour Hoffman, in order to disprove all those ridiculous claims that women don't objectify men.

But really, who cares? Fifty Shades will be the next Showgirls, crippled by the restrictions on "proper" sex, and shackled by the fact that no self-respecting actor will go anywhere near it. Fans might think it's going to be the best thing since butt plugs, but they will be proved wrong in the end, thankfully.