19. Young Kirk's Car Heist From Star Trek
Paramount PicturesKirk, old friend, have you ever heard the old Klingon proverb that tells us "Revenge is a dish best served by stealing your stepfather's antique car and blaring annoying music annoyingly?" No? Nor have we - because it doesn't exist, and for a good reason. OK, we get it; the writers and director needed a shorthand way to show us that Kirk has been trouble since he was a wee turd. That's not the problem. The problem is the creche of silly elements that make up this scene. The car theft itself is fine, but discovering that Nokia has somehow survived the post-atomic horror of the mid-twentieth century and still uses that annoying ringtone that most people gave up with their flip phones... oh, wait, they have flip phones in Kirk's time, too. Dammit! Then there's the obligatory Greg Grunberg cameo as Kirk's stepdad... Sorry, we love Grunberg in other Abrams projects, but a little of him goes a long way. Just ask that monster in the first episode of Lost - it probably made Grunberg last at least until nightfall. Then there's Sabotage by the Beastie Boys... As we find out in the second movie, the most popular music to survive the post-atomic horror was '90s rap. Lucky future people! We can even handle Kirk driving the car over the cliff. But while being pursued by Robocop? It's less embarrassing to watch Kirk get his ass served to him while trying to hit on Uhura. In fact, just skip to that scene. You'll be glad you did, and so will any friends that haven't seen it, because they won't be missing anything.