5. Silver The Amazing Wonder Horse From The Lone Ranger
Why would anyone consider it a wise investment to make a big, expensive, Pirates of the Caribbean-like version of The Lone Ranger? Westerns have been the kiss-of-death for decades, and the old radio/television show upon which it's based has been forgotten by popular culture and unknown to anyone under 40 years old. This was a bomb before the first sentence was uttered in the initial pitch meeting, and nothing could save it. Not even Johnny Depp. Depp's worst-ever performance as Tonto could easily make this list, as he has multiple moments of stupidity and mugging that sink the film long before the protracted, cartoonish finale finally arrives. Set to a loop of the William Tell Overture, the finale features human beings performing ridiculous stunts without suffering a scratch while twin trains twist around each other on a pair of funhouse tracks. It would be the worst thing in the film had it not been for the terrible decision to turn Silver, the legendary white horse of The Lone Ranger, into some sort of magical stunt animal. Try not to walk out of the theater while watching the Lone Ranger's trusty horse (apparently) FLY onto the roof of a building, leap onto a moving train, narrowly dive out of the way of an oncoming tunnel, leap off of a moving train, and riderlessly keep up with the action on two simultaneous trains as they pass over cavernous gorges! Silver can also read, as he is able to be in whatever place the atrocious script needs him to be at any moment! Given that this film is pitched to the hyperactivity of a masturbatory, coked-out Road Runner cartoon, I'm sure we're not supposed to take much of this film seriously. If not, then why make the film about the Lone Ranger or make the violence so hyper-real? The serious tone of the film is all wrong for a sequence involving a flying, super-heroic, and indestructible horse.