1. Steven Spielberg - Himself
What greater a recommendation for the probably Oscar-winning director could there be than his very own papal one? He might not have any real experience as a Cardinal, but Steven Spielberg is such a good film-maker that he was able to wow even Pope John Paul II, who named Schindler's List as his favourite and most highly recommended film prior to his death. And that's saying something, considering the graphic violence, male and female nudity and casual profanity that litters the script quite liberally. So, given the relationship between the Pope and God himself, does that mean that Schindler's List is God's favourite ever film? If so, that's got to be reason enough for the deity to throw a serious curveball by naming the Lincoln director as his next chosen representative on Earth. Looking at his body of work, Spielberg clearly has a good enough heart for the job, even if he did allow George Lucas to ruin Indiana Jones 4, but unfortunately for religious types, the director is likely to be much too busy producing Jurassic Park 4 and directing Indiana Jones 5 to possibly take on another gig. He's always been clever not to spread himself too thinly, and if those two projects don't get off the ground, or are left in less capable hands, we might see a nerd apocalypse that even Pope Steven Spielberg The First couldn't cope with. And now, to the terrible option...