4. Van Helsing - $197M budget, 23% Tomatometer, $8,565,217 per suck
Monster mash-up movies were all the rage in the Hollywood of the 30s and 40s. If you threw together any combination of Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein, and/or The Mummy, it was a guaranteed box office winner. When the pairings were all exhausted, you could throw in Abbott and Costello or The Three Stooges and still get a similar monetary effect. Unfortunately, much like 24-hour chain smoking and letting your kid eat lead paint chips, things that seemed like a good idea 70 years ago sometimes dont work so well in the 21st century. Enter 2004s Van Helsing. Hugh Jackman plays the titular role like a man drunk on his own typecasting; there are moments when he seems genuinely flummoxed by the refusal of his Adamantium claws to deploy in a timely fashion. But perhaps its for the best; given the crushing banality of the dialogue with which the script saddles his character, his best option for using the claws may have been to simply disembowel himself out of professional self-respect.