5 Reasons Indiana Jones 5 Should NOT Be Made (And 5 Reasons It Should)
"It's not the years honey, it's the mileage... "
Indiana Jones 5 is still in development hell when it should have been in cinemas by now. Harrison Ford isn't getting any younger and Spielberg has already walked, so what's the plan, Disney?
Indy fans are divided on the prospect of another crack of the whip; some would love to see one last adventure with the intrepid archaeologist, while others already buried their fedoras after The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull gave us CGI gophers.
At this point, there are just as many reasons to produce this film as there are to leave it where it finished; Steven Spielberg has 'quit' the project, replaced by Logan director James Mangold, writers David Koepp and Jonathan Kasdan, son of Lawrence (original scribbler of Raiders) have also left, leaving Mangold as the sole creative source on Indy 5.
With Spielberg still lurking as the executive producer, vast swathes of productions on hold due to global events and multiple push backs on release dates, is this a film that needs to be made? Here are five reasons for and five reasons against the final return of the world's greatest part-time teacher.
10. Indiana Jones And The Failure Of The Crystal Skull (Should NOT)
In 2007, during pre-production on Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Spielberg was making promises on the long awaited return of the retired adventurer:
"I like the old fashioned way of making films and I hope that when I make a fourth Indiana Jones, we can do most of it in the camera. Some stuff will have to be done in the computer. But I will build real sets on real sound-stages."
So why in the name of all things holy was the very first shot in the movie a CGI gopher? Cue CGI monkeys, CGI ants, CGI jungles, and so on. The crimes were not just related to the FX, the aliens McGuffin, while in tone with the Saturday matinee serial vibe, made a mockery of the grimy, real world historic shenanigans audiences had come to expect, despite the fact that Indy had proven the existence of god, twice.
The horror didn't end there either; Marion turned up as a moaning mother for the purposes of slapping the boys on the wrist every now and then - what happened to the Marion who won drinking competitions and ploughed bullets through Nazis in a grounded flying wing?
As fun as it must have been for Lucas and Spielberg to shoot water pistols on set at each other, skipping down Memory Lane, audiences went on a trip down Senility Boulevard - if that's all Indy is worth, quit while he's barely, just ever so slightly ahead.