2. Blind Wise-man Under The Floor Boards - 10,000 B.C.
There are some undeniable low-points to Emmerichs output over the years, but theres none that are quite as inexplicable as 10,000 B.C. Almost any useful trick that the director showcased in his other films he seemingly forgets here, with all general sense and intelligence flung out the window. Whats more, hes finally taken to remaking chunks of his
own movies; Stargate gets trotted out, giving us another evil deity allegedly come from the stars to coerce slaves into building his pyramids. Overall, its a colossal bore that irritates with its stoic dumbness. Just as I had resigned myself to watching my eyelids for the second half, the schlockmeister pulls out the most random and bizarre moment of his career thus far. Bland Stone Age hero DLeh will eventually play Moses to the enslaved peoples working at the pyramids, but to start with, hes on a quest to save his main squeeze, Evolet (who will later in history beget Chevrolet). During this process, he finds himself in the slave camps and recognized as their potential savior. In a moment where we expect everything to be explained regarding the mysterious ruler, DLehs mythic purpose, or how it is that mammoths are the key to the pyramids, the slaves pull a bald, blind man out from a hole in the false floor. No, really they do. This old guy is apparently a prophet of sorts, which makes sense because the place you always store your most valuable, blind and venerated elderly is on a stretcher in a hole. Aside from being treated like a bag full of stolen cash or a milk bone, the blind man wants to help out and reveal Dlehs considerable destiny to him. Except that when he talks, all that seems to be coming out is a high-pitched, tinny croak that sounds like Beaker from The Muppets. Its all mee, mee, mee and then some vague translation. The oddest part of this scene is that there is zero explanation for why the prophet is kept in the hole, or why, in fact, hes directly put back down there the minute hes finished talking. As odd as that is, the fact he doesnt actually speakno way what hes saying is even one of the Stone Age languagesor tell DLeh anything remotely close to useful information makes the scene even more absurd. On the upside, this unintentionally hilarious moment offers up the one thing that no other part of 10,000 B.C. does; entertainment value.