1. Parents
I'm not begrudging parents the rights to go to a movie. Certainly, they wouldn't send their young children into a film by themselves. That does not mean that said child should be accompanying the parents, especially into films that the child is unready for. It's not so much the parents who are bad in the film, it's the kids they tend to drag along. These little monstrosities are rude, loud and generally annoying and cannot seem to sit still for the duration of the movie. I understand it is nice to go see a movie every now and then, but surely you can spare the rest of the film paying public from how annoying your little brat/princess is by bringing them in to the movies with you. It's a well known fact that children ruin things. I'm sure parents and friends of parents will criticise me for being so harsh. I'm sure things like "parents deserve a break from their kids" and "baby sitters are expensive" as a justification. I agree with both of those points. However, the first one suggests that you know that your kid is a pain and instead of locking them up in a padded room, you've decided to annoy other people by bringing them into a public space for them to ruin the experience of people who haven't got children, just to punish them for... not having children. The second one is absolutely understandable. Babysitters are expensive and not always practical, and the thought of leaving your tiny little parcel of joy in someone else's hands is positively frightening. These factors are certainly important to consider in regards to whether children are brought to movies. However, with the skyrocketing cost of movie tickets, if you are able to afford tickets to the cinema chances are you are likely rich enough to afford child care for roughly 2 hours on the given night you have chosen to see a movie. The other thing you can take from this point is that this article is mainly satirical and written in jest, but if you haven't worked that out by now it probably doesn't matter.