While Flashdance, Jagged Edge and Basic Instinct made Joe Eszterhas notorious, Sliver, Jade and Showgirls turned him into a joke, so Burn Hollywood Burn was the screenwriters attempt to bite the hand that fed him, an insider satire from the man most qualified to write it. It shouldve been brilliant. Its not. Endorsed by Roger Ebert as a spectacularly bad film incompetent, unfunny, ill-conceived, badly executed, lamely written and acted by people who look trapped in the headlights, Burn centres on Trio, a $200 million cop movie whose director, Alan Smithee (Eric Idle), would rather steal the negative and hold it to ransom than attach his name to it. You see, he cant adopt a pseudonym because the name used by the Directors Guild when a filmmaker refuses credit is.Alan Smithee! Shot as a pseudo-documentary, this mightve worked had it eschewed cheap gags in order to build a credible story, but not only is writer Eszterhas only interested in sophomoric puns, the cast overplay at every available opportunity. When a pictures comedic heavyweights include Robert Evans, Sylvester Stallone and Ryan ONeal, you know youre in trouble. In fact, so desperate was Burns director, Arthur Hiller, not to be associated with this misfire that he took the Smithee pseudonym, making An Alan Smithee Film a true Alan Smithee film. No, really, this is the funniest joke in the movie.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
