1. The Nazis Would Have Died Anyway - Raiders Of The Lost Ark
The Plot... Indiana Jones is so freaking cool. His Dad is James Bond. He once rode a German submarine on the outside without drowning. He shot a ninja because he couldn't be bothered to fight/had the runs. He only used a fridge to escape a nuclear blast the once. So. cool. He's so cool his first film doesn't even have his name in the title. Raiders Of The Lost Ark sees Indy take on the Nazis who are searching for the Ark of the Covenant, the container where the remains of Moses' Ten Commandments tablets are held (does that made the upcoming Exodus: Gods And Kings an unofficial prequel?). Travelling by map Indy collects the air miles, going from America to Egypt by way of Nepal in one of the most relentlessly fun films ever made. How fun things are for Indy himself, however, varies; one minute he's got the Ark, the next he's sealed in a tomb full of snakes; one minute he's having sex, the next he's getting hit in the face by a mirror. Ultimately he finds himself a prisoner at the Nazi's ceremonial opening of the Ark where things take a ghostly turn. Ever seen what happens to an action figure in microwave? It's kinda like that. Why The Main Character Should Have Just Stood Still... This is the biggie. Pointed out by Amy in The Big Bang Theory, Indy plays no importance in the outcome of the story. Whether he tries relentlessly to reclaim the Ark or immediately gives up and has whatever he calls a quiet night in, the ending is the same; Nazis open the Ark, their faces melt, we get a disappointing fourth film. That's the problem when you're big twist ending is "God comes down and saves the day"; even the best of characters can look a little superfluous. Quite how this affects Indy's cool rating we haven't been able to figure out yet. Don't worry though, we have top men working on it right now. Top. Men.
