If youve seen the latest attempt at putting Marvels first family the Fantastic Four onto the big screen, youll know it fails on almost every conceivable level. Its not a good adaptation, and its not a good superhero film. Its not a better attempt than the previous two more family friendly movies, and its not a good film, full stop. Its not a worthy go at bringing the oldest and most revered of the Marvel heroes back to the cinema. It doesnt do any of the comics justice, not even the rubbish Ultimate Marvel stories. Its just a sack of unhappy crap, set on fire and waiting for someone to stamp it out. But lets pretend that none of that is true, just for a moment, because pretending is fun and otherwise you might begin to cry. This is, legitimately, the worst possible attempt at bringing the iconic Greatest Supervillain In History, Doctor Doom, aka Victor Von Doom, ruler of the fictional eastern European nation of Latveria, to the big screen. The last try was also a nasty turdburger of an attempt, but at least it didnt give the world douche chills. No one, least of all apparently the filmmakers, has any idea what this version of Victor Von Doom is supposed to be about. Hes not the genius inventor, sorcerer, Renaissance man and political mastermind that the character is in the comics, thats for goddamn sure. The real Doctor Doom should step out from the pages of the comics, Last Action Hero style, and sue them all for defamation. Punitive damages, you weaselly excuses for creatives. Lets see how you like it. Scuttlebutt (like gossip with no hope left) says that theyre considering a sequel to the pitiless abortion that is the 2015 Fantastic Four reboot, despite the overwhelming taste of hate left by the first one. The world can now actually be thankful that they were dumb enough to have Doom disintegrated at the alleged climax to this noxious pellet of a film so that he cant be brought back if another Fantastic Four movie does get squeezed out from between their clenched cheeks.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
