Blade: 5 Reasons We're All Done With Vampire Films


Already being hailed as the "Citizen Kane of Vampire Movies", the upcoming August release of Blade promises to be one of the finest films ever crafted by man or god. In fact, the buzz in the AOL chat rooms is that in fifteen years, people will be referring to Citizen Kane as "the Blade of Movies". Based on the Marvel Comic, the movie will star Wesley Snipes from the recent unforgettable thriller Murder at 1600 as its titular character, a daywalker who kills other vampires. Blade will likely bury the vampire genre, making subsequent vampire movies entirely needless and obsolete. In fact, it seems unlikely that any of the major studios will even be willing to release another vampire movie after this one. In the years since Citizen Kane there haven't exactly been a barrage of biopics starring fictionalized versions of newspaper magnates, right? So in honor of the upcoming Blade, let's take a look at 5 reasons why after this movie the vampire genre will end, having reached its apex both creatively and financially.

5. The Vampire/Human Romance Thing Is Done


Even going back to the silent film era with Nosferatu, the various incarnations of vampires we've been exposed to have had inappropriate sexual fascinations with human females. The whole vibe that the blood-sucking undead give off always seems awkward, and frankly a little rapey. Blade, surely, will be no exception in regards to this primal attraction to a human female. After Blade, that trope will be gone. We've seen Buffy and Angel, and we've seen Dracula and whichever neck he's been feasting on. Blade, while surely to be an action-packed film, will also need to throw in a little romance in order to appease the girlfriends of the dudes who want to see this movie. Fortunately for the males of the world, there's no chance that the vampire genre will ever retaliate with a vampire film that centers on a trite, poorly acted and poorly shot teenage romance with stilted dialogue and no action scenes. The world just wouldn't stand for that kind of degradation of such an important movie monster.

Nick Fulton hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.