Who Is The Better Boyfriend?
Much is made of James Bonds misogynist past, but he was a married man for 5 minutes in the late 1960s, so he did at least have a theoretical understanding of what commitment meant. Daniel Craigs James Bond is not married though, and therefore his Bond represents a break from that continuity. No, to the contrary, he says at the beginning of Casino Royale that he likes breaking happy homes by pursuing married women as this is less complicated. Well, except that less than two hours later, both the married and unmarried women he played "hunt the sausage" with are dead. I would say it was equally complicated for them. In Quantum of Solace, only another female secret agent is tough enough to get through the movie alive after having her bum pinched by 007. As for Mr Bourne. Well, unless you enjoy moving house regularly, while helping him write his whos who of the people he has killed, and have a hankering to take a long drive off a short bridge, I would keep my distance too. Bournes old flames get a beretta on the temple while reminiscing about the old days in Paris, before facing the same desperate globtrotting experience as Marie, but with the added let down of no rumpy pumpy as a reward. Even Ethan Hunt is a walking disaster area for hopeful hearts. After starting the whole franchise off with an office affair gone wrong, he moves on by ensuring his next squeeze is infected with the plague, before finally causing such distress to his woman in MI3 that she really must have been left wondering whether marrying that odd Danish fella she met at the poker club would not have been a better idea. You know, the one with the bleeding eye. My advice, ladies, is to stay away, but if you are that desperate I guess you should go with Mr Hunt. Why? Well, there is not much to split between the three but at least Ethan will not likely kill someone with his bare hands in front of you on your first date, as Bourne and Bond did. Although, to be fair, Bond will sit with you in the shower afterwards while you get your head together. Bourne just clears off to hide his money, which by the way, he doesnt tell you where it is. If you can hobble off to a liquor store to soothe the nerves while wiping the puke off your shirt, then thats fine, but be quick or hell berate you for holding him up. Ooooh, possessive! No, if you have settled on a destiny of a couple of shags before being bumped off by a baddy, then go with Hunt. The Lord does love a trier, and he really does bust a gut to keep you alive. For all the good it does. As for me, these Casanovas all fail. Click "next" for the final part...