Fantastic Beasts 3: What Went Wrong?
4. It's Too Dark And Dull For Families And Children
Arguably the biggest sin committed by these last two Fantastic Beasts movies is that they just aren't fun. Touted as an exciting, action-packed return to the wizarding world, The Secrets of Dumbledore is instead another dreary and humourless movie that, like its predecessor, fails to capture a single iota of that Potter magic.
None of the jokes land (including the silly antics of Jacob, who's been relegated to a Jar Jar Binks-esque annoying buffoon because this story doesn't have a use for him), the plot moves at a snail's pace, and it's shockingly dark for a family movie, with a magical creature called a Qilin being slaughtered in the opening five minutes, and its newborn child having its neck slit by Grindelwald shortly after.
Now, a more adult wizarding world movie would actually be awesome to see, but The Secrets of Dumbledore doesn't fully commit to that angle. It's caught halfway between magical whimsy and mature political thriller, wanting to provide a fun time for the kiddies while also dishing up something meaty for older Potter fans to chew on, and the result, like the story itself, is a half-baked tonal mess.
Watching this movie in a theatre full of families was just downright awkward. You could feel the youngsters' attention drifting as the characters droned on about politics and elections, and this failure to provide an enjoyable time at the movies (the absolute lowest bar a $200 million blockbuster should hit) is a big reason why The Secrets of Dumbledore's word of mouth and box-office legs have been nonexistent.