Fifty Shades Darker Review: 2 Ups & 8 Downs

The second entry into the movie franchise adapted from E.L. James' inexplicably popular erotic trash novel has arrived, and soccer moms everywhere are rejoicing. Arriving on a tidal wave of hype, it's time for things to get "darker" ahead of next year's third (and hopefully final) offering from this baffling series.

Prepare to be shocked: it's a terrible movie with few redeeming qualities, a disastrously bad film that's sure to win a heap of Razzies next year. And you thought Rings already had it all sewn up.

Still, it would be silly not to recognise Fifty Shades as the massive global phenomenon it is, a monstrous box office success despite its widely-derided lack of quality.

You're either going to genuinely enjoy the film no matter what the critics say, you'll hate-watch it for irony's sake, or you'll avoid it like the plague and soak in something that's actually good, like The Lego Batman Movie or the widely-praised John Wick 2.

Either way, here are 2 ups and 8 downs from Fifty Shades Darker...