Fifty Shades Of Grey Movie: 10 Moments We Definitely Won't See

1. Ana's Womanhood

I can just see the director with Alexis Bledel and the producer on set in the bedroom. The director is about to compose the shot that will reveal the big one, the divinity that makes his actress a woman. The producer pulls in the reins hard with a resounding no. "But people really want to see it," whines the director. "Yeah and people in hell really want ice water," answers the producer. Yet for the movie to remain faithful to the book we would have to see it and see it many times. Oh okay, well in that case let me share an old Hollywood rule concerning actresses. No A-List, Hollywood actress shows her vagina in movies. They never have and they never will. Deal with it. All the audience will see is her lower back as the filmmakers play it safe and tape the sheets right above her butt so they can't slide down. Topless shots on the other hand are not out of the question, but even then I wouldn't expect them to go crazy with it. Maybe they will even limit themselves to having just a few partial nudity and side shots. Once again, I smell a PG-13 rating coming on.