How to Be a Movie Snob in 5 Easy Steps
Step 3. Qualify Every Statement
Your friends may be catching on to your patterns by now. They may be becoming annoyed at your behavior and think that you think your st doesnt stink. First of all, it doesnt, so dont even worry about that. Dont even bother flushing. More importantly, you now need to watch out for them thinking that they can catch you in a moment of weakness. Dont ever let them catch you laughing at something because then theyll think that you have reactions to things. Dont ever be caught watching something like Commando or Blues Brothers with no one else around because then theyll think that you actually enjoy movies as something to watch and be entertained by. Do not allow this to happen! If all else fails, and you are caught caving into the weakness that is mans desire to occasionally not be miserable, Dont Panic! Simply slather your critique of the film in question with qualifiers on top of qualifiers. So a comedy that worked perfectly from end to end cant just be a great movie. It has to be good for a comedy. And an action film that was perfectly executed, with set pieces that displayed masterful choreographing and propulsive editing, cant just be a great film it has to be good, if you like that sort of thing.
And a superhero film cant just be a great film, it has to be good for a superhero movie. Because, seriously, what value does entertainment have, besides alleviating the crushing banality of day-to-day life that would otherwise drive even the sanest of persons into a suicidal spiral of self-loathing and misery? What use is that? No, movies exist to be taken apart and dissected even more thoroughly than an alien corpse in Area 51. A film that provides nothing but joy is obviously a mistake of some kind, and you must put distance between yourself and such emotions.