Jackie's Role: Chien Fu, a poor orphan who is adopted by a martial arts school to be their cleaner and whipping boy. When he befriends and learns snake kung fu from an elderly martial arts master, Chien finds himself against a dangerous martial arts master from a rival school. The Bad Guy: Hwang Jang-lee, who is a villain that specialises in a scratching fighting style called the Eagle's Claw and manages to be look like a credible bad guy despite his seedy 1970's porn star moustache. The Fight: After realising his snake kung fu is useless (repeatedly jabbing someone with your fingers isn't the best way to win), Jackie decides to counter Hwang's Eagle Claw with his newly made-up Cat Claw, which basically involves scratching someone repeatedly whilst annoying cat noises are dubbed in. This fight could've descended into a literal cat fight (the overdubbing of obnoxious cat noises don't help) but thankfully, Jackie and Hwang manage to credibly make both these dubious martial arts 'techniques' entertainingly watchable with plenty of acrobatics, roundhouse kicks, and an excessive amount of scratching. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3qDe0yRO50 Eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed that Jackie is missing a tooth at the final stages of the fight. That's because Hwang actually kicked Jackie's tooth out during filming, probably because he realised kicking someone in the face was far more effective than breaking a nail on someone's tooth.
My life story is nothing special. I haven't cured ebola, I'm nowhere near stopping terrorism, and I'm still working on that climate change problem.
Instead, all I've done so far is put a few hundred words together in an attempt to make people laugh.
You can follow me at @Fry_ying_pan but don't be offended if I don't tweet back. It's usually because I've spent too long trying to think up a witty response that the reply window has closed.
