3. Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti - Cobra (1986)
In 1986, I loved Cobra. Not the film, but the excellent ZX Spectrum game of the film which was filled with lovely comic touches like a burger for a health bar and the fact it played the music from Rocky when you started a level. But as an 11-year old, I didnt realise that was probably because making an enjoyable game representative of the actual film would have been incredibly tricky. Taking itself far too seriously, Stallone is Marion Cobretti - a surname invented purely so people can call him "Cobra" - the kind of tough talking, gun/knife wielding, sunglasses wearing, toothpick hanging out of mouth, lady-loving cop who gets the damn job done when no-one else has the cojones. If Stallone, or any of the other "characters" (and I put that word in quote marks deliberately) were any more two dimensional they could be mistaken for animations. If you dont believe me,
watch this clip and then repeat out loud "this isnt a spoof, its supposed to be drama". Based on the same book that was later filmed as Fair Game, starring that amazing action duo of William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford, Cobra makes the later film look like a gritty police procedural documentary. According to the poster, Crime is a disease...meet the cure. Erm, I think Ill stick with the disease thanks.