The Hollywood Adaptation Machine

Back in 2002, my writing partner and I created a list of existing properties that we felt should be remade or adapted into feature films. To justify inclusion on this list, we would come up with how each remake would be tackled in the script and in the production. Our list looked something like this: 1. SPEED RACER. At the time, the Donners owned the rights to the property, and the production had stalled for several years. So I sat down and wrote a 105 page screenplay for my version of SPEED RACER. One of my controversial decisions was killing ChimChim and putting Spritle in a coma early in the film, effectively eliminating the worst element of the show and giving Speed some motivation throughout the movie. Unfortunately, I received a cease-and-desist letter from Warner Brothers because I did not own the characters. Oh well. They learned their lesson last year with the bomb they released. 2. NOSFERATU. I actually have much of this new version written. It is very much updated from the classic 1921 film, but it retains Count Orlock's mosquito-like sensibilities. And just as the original film played upon larger issues of plague that ravaged that world, so to does my version deal with things like AIDS on a societal level. I believe this film can very much play to today's audiences. 3. THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI. I'm very surprised that a wholly new version of this public domain silent classic has yet to be updated for modern audiences. My partner and I came up with reams of notes on how we would redo this film. Imagine what CGI could do to render the fantastical world of CALIGARI! Imagine the psychological and sexual subtexts that could be explored from a modern perspective, things that were only hinted at in the original! It could be amazing. 4. M. Again, I'm surprised that this film has not been seriously tackled. It's morally and psychologically complex, and perfect for a world rife with child abductions and murders. We didn't get very far with adapting this one, although I have a pretty fair idea. And our final choice for adaptation? JONNY QUEST. First of all, note that the title of the show was JONNY QUEST, not JOHNNY QUEST. This was one of my favorite cartoons as a child. The show centered around a young boy named Jonny, whose father was a wealthy and intelligent scientist named Dr. Benton Quest. The family had a loyal bodyguard named "Race" Bannon. And long before Madonna and Angelina Jolie started adopting children around the world, Dr. Quest had adopted an Indian boy named Hadji to be a brother to young Jonny. For a children's program, the show could be quite violent and scary. Episodes often centered around invisible electrical monsters, one-eyed robots on spider legs, and mysterious aquamen. The action and resolutions were often played realistically, another unique feature of the early show. And, as has often been mentioned, the show hinted at an "alternative" family arrangement, one devoid of a mother figure and two father figures ... something that would still be considered a landmark even by today's standards. A movie adaptation of the show could have been taken in the direction of the SPY KIDS films, which would be more tongue-in-cheek. However, I felt that the adaptation should play it straight, delivering a movie that scares and thrills kids with a mixture of science and INDIANA JONES-style adventure. I think you'd need to blunt the Hadji character, making him less of a caricature. And I definitely don't think that the Benton/Race sexuality question should be answered or even overtly suggested ... it should just lie there. With all of these ideas in my head, you can imagine my dismay at the announcement that Zac Efron will take on the role of Jonny Quest in the upcoming big screen treatment now in development. While Efron is certainly cute enough - and he will bring in the females, for sure - he is too damn old to play this part. Part of the charm of the show was the fact that Jonny was a smart little kid who would get himself into troubles while on his father's missions. Why would a twentysomething male be cavorting around with his father on scientific missions? Clearly Warners is aiming for a version that more closely hews to the updated QUEST cartoon from the nineties, rather than the sixties version. I wil admit that, if they pair Efron's Jonny with another attractive young male around Efron's as to play Hadji, they could end up with a hit like HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, which coasted on the appeal of Efron and co-star Corbin Bleu. From an adaptive point of view, however, I'm not really in favor of Efron as Jonny. Even worse is the idea Warners has of removing the name Jonny Quest from the title of the movie. As has been mentioned in the trades, Warner Brothers is afraid of another debacle like SPEED RACER. And they should be. But the failure of SPEED RACER had nothing to do with the title; in fact, that title probably got them even more business than they could have gotten otherwise. SPEED RACER failed because the script was a mess and the look was disorienting. In other words, they should have used my script. Hollywood will never learn. Here is a neat look at a video someone created, which shows clips from the five most popular episodes of this classic cartoon: